Six Needs We All Have
How to recognize them in yourself and children!
Everyone has needs. Parents have needs and so do our children. Young children remind us all the time! Some of the ways they remind us is by whining, crying, or generally acting out, often because they lack the words to express what their need is at the moment.
When a need is unmet, it can lead to a sense of desperation. Children or parents feeling desperate can act out, make bad choices, take inappropriate actions, and even injure relationships.
Let’s not make this harder than it already seems to be!
Building your understanding of needs and developing a simple plan to get your needs met is a great place to start. Then you’ll be available to meet the needs of children.
In the Nurturing Parenting Programs used at The Mom & Dad Project we list SIX areas of needs by using SPICES (an easy way to remember the different needs we all have):
Social – The need for friendship and companionship.
Physical – The need for food, sleep, exercise, air, water.
Intellectual – The need for stimulation of new ideas or thoughts.
Creative – The need to express one’s inner self. Creative needs are expressed in areas like a person’s appearance, dress, dance, poetry and cooking.
Emotional – The need for love, praise, security, trust, and other basic emotions.
Spiritual – The need for belonging and membership. The need to believe in the power of goodness, something/someone bigger than self. Membership in a family is a spiritual experience.
When you or a child are sensing an unmet need, especially if it evokes negative behavior, step back and ask, “Is there a need that is not being met?”
Better still, making a determined effort to think and plan ahead for ways each area of need can be met BEFORE things go wrong could save a lot of time performing damage control.
Try this: think of (write down) two ways you are currently getting YOUR needs met in each of the six areas. Rate your answers on a 1 – 5- scale, you might be surprised!
Look at the list again and consider building some time into your children’s day/week when they can regularly participate in activities that meet these needs. They’ll grow stronger in their own self-regulation as a result. You’ll be a happier parent too.
